Are mothers allowed to transmit and implement a child's opinion aged 7-9 as a ready-made unconditional decision?

The question of whether a child's opinion aged 7-9 can be the basis for unconditional decisions touches on key aspects of developmental psychology, pedagogy, family law, and ethics. The direct answer is: no, mothers do not have the right to consider a child's opinion as a ready-made unconditional decision, but they are obliged to take it into account and respect it when making a final decision that corresponds to the child's level of maturity, safety, and interests. This dilemma is between two extremes: authoritarian disregard for the child's will and infantile delegation of unmanageable responsibility.

1. Psychological aspects: cognitive and emotional abilities of children aged 7-9

This age (elementary school) is a period of concrete operations according to Jean Piaget. The child is already capable of logical thinking, but within limited, concrete frameworks. His ability to predict and evaluate the long-term consequences of his desires is still extremely limited.

• Egoism: Although weakened compared to the preschool age, it still manifests. The child has difficulty fully considering the interests and feelings of others in complex situations (for example, when planning the family budget or choosing a school for a brother or sister).

• Immediate gratification and hedonistic motivation: Decisions are often dictated by immediate desire, emotion ('I want now') or avoidance of discomfort ('I don't want to go to the doctor because it's scary'), rather than analysis of benefits/harm.

• Dependency on authority and seeking boundaries: Children of this age subconsciously expect adult guidance and clear boundaries. The complete transfer of the right to decide disorients and increases anxiety, as their psyche is not ready to bear such a burden. This can lead to so-called 'premature adulthood' and emotional burnout.

Example: A 8-year-old child may categorically refuse a necessary operation due to fear. Unconditional adherence to his opinion puts his health at risk. The mother's task is not to cancel the operation, but to recognize the fear, help overcome it, and explain the necessity of the action.

2. Legal and ethical boundaries: adult responsibility

According to the Family Code of the Russian Federation (Article 63, 64), parents are responsible for the upbringing and development of their children, are required to take care of their health, physical, mental, spiritual, and moral development. They are the legal representatives of their children and act in defense of their rights and interests.

• The right of the child to express an opinion is enshrined in Article 57 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation and the Convention on the Rights of the Child. It must be taken into account when deciding issues affecting the child's interests (choice of educational institution, circle, place of rest). However, the law speaks specifically about consideration, not unconditional submission.

• Boundary between consideration of opinion and irresponsibility: Delegating the decision of vital issues to a child aged 7-9 (for example, about place of residence after divorce, the need for serious treatment, daily routine and diet) is a form of permissive parenting style and may be considered as failure to fulfill parental obligations.

3. Risks of unconditional adherence to a child's opinion

1. Delegating unmanageable responsibility: A child whose word becomes law quickly understands that adults are not up to the task. This leads to anxiety, a sense of insecurity, and hyper-responsibility, which is a direct path to neurosis.

2. Formation of egocentrism and social maladjustment: A child whose impulsive desires are unconditionally fulfilled does not learn to take into account others, negotiate, endure, and make efforts. This hinders his integration into any groups (school, later - work).

3. Missing the development of important skills: Decision-making is a skill that is gradually formed under the guidance of an adult. If the decision is always ready (his opinion), the child does not learn to analyze alternatives, weigh 'for' and 'against', take responsibility for consequences.

4. Risk to safety and development: The child's opinion may conflict with objective needs for safety, education, health.

4. Constructive model: how to take into account an opinion when making a decision

A healthy parent's position is authoritative, not authoritarian upbringing. The adult makes the decision, but the process of its adoption includes the child.

• Proportionality: The question should correspond to the age. The child has the right to choose which book to read at night, what soccer jersey to wear, or what dessert to prepare on a weekend. He is not entitled to decide whether to get vaccinated or move to another city.

• Explanation and dialogue: The adult is obliged to explain why a particular decision was made, especially if it contradicts the child's immediate desire. 'I understand that you want to stay home and play, but we need to see a doctor to check your health and not get sick.'

• Providing limited choices: This is a powerful pedagogical technique. Not 'Will you clean your room?', but 'Will you start cleaning with toys or books?'. In this way, the child feels his agency (ability to influence the situation), but within the framework set by the adult.

• Recognizing emotions, even if the decision is inevitable: 'I see that you are very angry because I don't let you play on the computer for another hour. The rules are like this. Let's think of what else we can do'. This teaches the child to experience frustration, not avoid it.

Interesting fact from research: Psychologists D. Baumrind and E. Maccoby identified parenting styles. Children of authoritative parents (who combine high requirements with warmth, dialogue, and consideration of opinion) demonstrate the highest level of self-regulation, social competence, and academic success. Children of permissive parents (who are just inclined to cater to the child) often have problems with self-control and low academic performance.

Conclusion

The right and obligation of the mother (parent) is to make final, balanced decisions that ensure the safety, health, and long-term well-being of the child. The opinion of a child aged 7-9 is a important, mandatory to listen to and respect signal about his needs, emotions, and developing personality. However, this is raw material for adult reflection, not a ready-made verdict.

Transmitting and implementing a child's opinion as an unconditional truth means refusing parental responsibility, harming the emotional development of the child, and depriving him of the necessary sense of security. True respect for the child is not in blind submission to his will, but in attentive dialogue, honest explanation of boundaries, and gradual transfer of responsibility as he grows up, when he will be truly ready for it. The balance between respect for autonomy and ensuring guidance is the art of parenting.

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